02/06/2007
Firstly I need to get this off my chest... Love the new My Chemical Romance video for next single Teenagers. What seems the biggest shame is that half the words are sensored, not just expletives as that is reasonable but you can no longer say Gun or God and for some reason shirt and pay if used in a particular order. Sensorship gone mad, the young people they are supposedly protecting know this song isn't promoting the violence and they also have internet access and can look for lyrics so why bother?
Enough.
The blue tits have moved out, not even a thankyou note! the nest is empty not a creaure is stirring not even a mouse (I know it's not December). The garden is looking good but my plums are shrivelling. I apologise, it's immature but it makes me smile when I say that. Not sure what's wrong with the tree have bought some different foods for it. The cat is easier to look after but he only produces immense piles of you know what.
What else? Ooh, Got asked to attend a second interview this Tuesday, I gather from the roundabout conversations with Tom that he doesn't think I should take it as we will only have one day together a fortnight if I do. Shame as they are nice people but he is right relationships require effort and sacrifice. If I want a new challenge I shall have to learn to drive and then work a field position within BT, that way I still have home working facilities.
I had another one of my wobblers last night. We were on the sofa watching a movie and I burst into tears saying I felt ill and was scared. I neer used to worry when got sick, I was so used to living in the bathroom and Tom knew I could handle it so he wouldn't even need to get up in the night. These days the slightest pain on my lef hand side and I'm terrified. I promise that this week I really wll see my GP and ask to be referred for an ultrasound, there is only the one way I can reassure myself that I am not about to end up in surgery again and that's by proving there is no new tumour.
And those are the days you wish you didn't know so much. I have reverted back to my pre counselling state of searching the internet for similar cases to mine. I have now read dozens of women's stories of how they had one cyst/tumor removed and within a few months there was another. Rather than quelling my fears it has confirmed that i am right to be concerned. I guess the next thing is that if I don't take the new job then I should probably arrange some additional counselling through my healthcare plan. Hindsight has enabled me to see the difference between the period I had sessions and the period where I haven't. It's not pretty. Not sure if neurotic is the right word but definitesly paranoid and scared.
My dreams of late have been more bizarre and surreal than ever. Last night I was in hospital but the staff were the cast of Scrubs and there was a person inside a giant bear suit who was supposed to perform surgery. I dread to think what a professional would make of that.
Sadly that's not the only weird dream, they seem to come in droves at the moment, every morning I wake up, rub my eyes and scratch my head at the strang encounter I just had.
Enough.
The blue tits have moved out, not even a thankyou note! the nest is empty not a creaure is stirring not even a mouse (I know it's not December). The garden is looking good but my plums are shrivelling. I apologise, it's immature but it makes me smile when I say that. Not sure what's wrong with the tree have bought some different foods for it. The cat is easier to look after but he only produces immense piles of you know what.
What else? Ooh, Got asked to attend a second interview this Tuesday, I gather from the roundabout conversations with Tom that he doesn't think I should take it as we will only have one day together a fortnight if I do. Shame as they are nice people but he is right relationships require effort and sacrifice. If I want a new challenge I shall have to learn to drive and then work a field position within BT, that way I still have home working facilities.
I had another one of my wobblers last night. We were on the sofa watching a movie and I burst into tears saying I felt ill and was scared. I neer used to worry when got sick, I was so used to living in the bathroom and Tom knew I could handle it so he wouldn't even need to get up in the night. These days the slightest pain on my lef hand side and I'm terrified. I promise that this week I really wll see my GP and ask to be referred for an ultrasound, there is only the one way I can reassure myself that I am not about to end up in surgery again and that's by proving there is no new tumour.
And those are the days you wish you didn't know so much. I have reverted back to my pre counselling state of searching the internet for similar cases to mine. I have now read dozens of women's stories of how they had one cyst/tumor removed and within a few months there was another. Rather than quelling my fears it has confirmed that i am right to be concerned. I guess the next thing is that if I don't take the new job then I should probably arrange some additional counselling through my healthcare plan. Hindsight has enabled me to see the difference between the period I had sessions and the period where I haven't. It's not pretty. Not sure if neurotic is the right word but definitesly paranoid and scared.
My dreams of late have been more bizarre and surreal than ever. Last night I was in hospital but the staff were the cast of Scrubs and there was a person inside a giant bear suit who was supposed to perform surgery. I dread to think what a professional would make of that.
Sadly that's not the only weird dream, they seem to come in droves at the moment, every morning I wake up, rub my eyes and scratch my head at the strang encounter I just had.
posted by stunted at 3:23 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home