Cycles
Everything comes in cycles apparently but I think I just go round in circles instead which I guess makes little difference to the outcome. The biggest circles here right now are the hollows of my eyes sunken and grayed out staring back at me in the reflection of my other laptop monitor. To sleep or not to sleep. Not a choice I get. Last night I drifted off for a while and dreamed that my engagement ring was broken, specifically into three pieces, the diamond had gone missing too. I don't remember much more and even those images washed up vague and misshapen throughout the day. Sometimes I have to really concentrate to determine what was a dream and wat was real but mostly my dream world is even more surreal than the blur of nonsensical news articles that are our reality.
Sunday after Tom finished work he became obsesses with the internet and searching for a holiday. By the time we went to bed he had decided he wanted to go to the Dominican Republic to some five star hotel for a week. The hotel even offered a free wedding service. So Monday we went to the travel agents and tried to book it. He had already put the trailer onto ebay to raise some of the money for it and was going to get me to seel my wedding dress as it's too bulky to take out there and buy a simple summer dress for the big day.
Well it turns out that we can't get married when we are out there as you need to be resident for 5 working days not including your date of arrival so you really need two weeks even though it was advertised on a 7 day break. We still booked the holiday though and have paid some of it off. I was half disappointed and half relieved that we couldn't marry out there. It seems so idyllic in the pictures (not that I have ever been keen on hot/sun orientated holidays) but at the same time getting married is saying that I accept that this, what we have is it for us for life. I know not everyone marries for life anymore but that's what I want. The question is, do we really love eachother or is this just convenient and better than waking up to an empty bed in a crummy damp flat?
He tells me I'm angry but then again he isn't the only person to tell me that these days. That innocently cheeky "you know you love me really" smile never fades, only his eyes give away the slight hint of doubt when I wryly say "oh is that what you think?". It's not him I am angry at not really. I make excuses say he is irritating and lazy and a slob but I know he could be far worse. It's me I am angry at and the pathetic excuse for a life that I lead. I am a lame duck.
"Salt tasting tears, they roll off of my lips, one for each day I'm inside this house, its a trap, one I can't quite escape so I pretend it's the place that I love"
"Place all your bets and watch be loose, the life that I got and never used, dream every night that one will come true, but only bad ones ever do"
The Hush Sound- Out Through My Curtain.
No explanation needed other than that really.
How great is it that My Chemical Romance got to number 1 in the Uk chart!? It is so deserved, the song is great and the snippets of the album I have heard so far are excellent and so diverse. I will download the album on Monday Morning.
Sunday after Tom finished work he became obsesses with the internet and searching for a holiday. By the time we went to bed he had decided he wanted to go to the Dominican Republic to some five star hotel for a week. The hotel even offered a free wedding service. So Monday we went to the travel agents and tried to book it. He had already put the trailer onto ebay to raise some of the money for it and was going to get me to seel my wedding dress as it's too bulky to take out there and buy a simple summer dress for the big day.
Well it turns out that we can't get married when we are out there as you need to be resident for 5 working days not including your date of arrival so you really need two weeks even though it was advertised on a 7 day break. We still booked the holiday though and have paid some of it off. I was half disappointed and half relieved that we couldn't marry out there. It seems so idyllic in the pictures (not that I have ever been keen on hot/sun orientated holidays) but at the same time getting married is saying that I accept that this, what we have is it for us for life. I know not everyone marries for life anymore but that's what I want. The question is, do we really love eachother or is this just convenient and better than waking up to an empty bed in a crummy damp flat?
He tells me I'm angry but then again he isn't the only person to tell me that these days. That innocently cheeky "you know you love me really" smile never fades, only his eyes give away the slight hint of doubt when I wryly say "oh is that what you think?". It's not him I am angry at not really. I make excuses say he is irritating and lazy and a slob but I know he could be far worse. It's me I am angry at and the pathetic excuse for a life that I lead. I am a lame duck.
"Salt tasting tears, they roll off of my lips, one for each day I'm inside this house, its a trap, one I can't quite escape so I pretend it's the place that I love"
"Place all your bets and watch be loose, the life that I got and never used, dream every night that one will come true, but only bad ones ever do"
The Hush Sound- Out Through My Curtain.
No explanation needed other than that really.
How great is it that My Chemical Romance got to number 1 in the Uk chart!? It is so deserved, the song is great and the snippets of the album I have heard so far are excellent and so diverse. I will download the album on Monday Morning.
posted by stunted at 9:09 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home