There are days when I think the sun will reveal me to the world as the fake that I am. I left hope in the box I forgot to pack when I moved house I think. Or maybe that was my dignity. I'm certain my sanity managed to survive the move although I've not seen that lately either. I mislay everything. I misplaced my faith and my fingers got burned- but I didn't realise it was going to be so hot down here. I don't like using trust because I'm sure that will run out someday like coal and oil. Only when it burns there are no insidious gaseous and clouds of smoke or carbon monoxide to dull the pain, just a sharp kick in the stomach instead. Much more direct. I'm tired of beating around the bush but its shaded here and you rarely notice me as long as I stay cool. A guilty voyeuristic pleasure to watch your purity shining; the intensity of your light makes my eyes leak and my soul ache but it's worth it for just a moment. A moment of blinding clarity where I forget the leagues between us and feel again. Then it's gone as quick as a lightning strike; the sound as my head falls from the clouds and my feet land square on the ground is that of thunder, reality bites.The intangible grip I have on it tears mercilessly at my fingernails already bitten and too short. Maybe I should just let go. What's below is imperceptible in this grey light, the shadows of similarly lost souls move mournfully about in the swirling darkness. Is this how I appear to you? Another monster under the bed, a creature from a nightmare better left forgotten? Misshapen by my sins a better likeness to the rippled reflections on disturbed water than that of a mirror. It's been so long since I last dared to look and truly see, myself. The evening light is softer on these ragged features, half light becomes me. In these twilight times our two worlds gently coincide, language no more a barrier than our different faith. I have none but you believe in everything, every miracle, signs of goodness in all life. Your charity calming and peaceful to the monotonous drone of my heart. You breathe music into my veins and I live again.Your narcotic transforms me completely; I lied, I have faith, not in gods or human kindness, we are all interminably flawed; but I do believe in you.